Depression

God, are you there?
I’m having trouble finding you and I wish to make a complaint.
An angel must hate me up there,
she laughs as she takes my happiness away slowly,
Making sure each one suffers slowly before my eyes.
God, if you can send her down so if I may put her through the hell she gave to me in an invisible iron maiden.

But you seem too busy to help me,
its ok I don’t believe in you anyway,
You were never there when I threw my hands out crying for help from you,
You just left me alone…

The months fade out and in like stage lights,
I feel no heat I can only feel cold.
I can’t see the vibrancy of the colors when I walk across the stage;
the bright colors are a monochromatic sea of gray.

Who are these people around me?
I know them but I forget their faces
They say they love me and that they care,
I use to love them but now I forget how that feels…
I lost the ability to laugh,
The memory of joy disappeared in the suffocating fog of despair and isolation.

These concrete walls seem to close in on me,
This steel cage I’m in seems to shrink.
My insides all turn to ashes slowly,
This body is becoming a hollow shell.
I feel so powerless and small,
I feel numb and empty,
this shell is collecting dust as its only form of company.

Time for me seems useless;
I’d rather sleep through it all,
It’s not like anyone is going to bother waking me up anyway,
they forget I’m even there anyway.

They never seem to understand that the walls in my head are caving in on my heart,
They can’t see the invisible tears streaming down my smiling face,
they can’t hear my screams from my closed mouth.

My soul’s radio channel’s sound waves can’t seem to send a signal,
I guess my transmission is too inferior to be televised.
I guess they’re too preoccupied by their own dramas,
Maybe they just don’t care about my silent being,
or maybe I’m not worth it…

I wonder if I ran away from home is anyone would try to stop me,
I wonder if anyone would remember me.
I wonder if I died tomorrow if anybody would miss me,
I wonder if anyone would care and cry for me.

No…they wouldn’t mind,
No one bothers to listen,
They wouldn’t bother searching and declare me dead if I ran away from home.
No one ever bothers to talk to me,
Who would even know who I am to care if I died.
I bet if I was lying on the ground bleeding from the heart out on the street no one would bother to help me,
They’d walk on passing me by like I was a piece of garbage.

I can’t take it anymore in this empty gray world,
The sun gives me no warmth or hope.
I want it to end,
I want to escape everything and everyone.
This world offers nothing for me to hold on to,
There’s no point anymore.
The water in the tub seems inviting,
A painless way to escape this life.
I’ll slip in and let the water close my lungs,
The cool water will darken my eyes,
And then I will fade out and fall into silence,
…now I’m gone
…Good-bye…